It’s me.

I remember the conversation. Every so often it replays in my head like a film that could have had a sequel, but one of the leads refused to return.

I didn’t think you’d answer the phone that day. As it buzzed in my ear, my heart pounded in my throat, and I was convinced that I would lose my courage and slam down the phone.

The line clicked and I heard, “Hello?”

For a moment, I froze. This was the moment I had been trying gather the strength to face for most of my life. I couldn’t do it.

“It’s me.”

“What do you want?”

Say it! Open your mouth and SAY IT! I was trying to speak but nothing was coming out. I was silent for so long.

“Stop wasting my time!”

And all at once it came rushing out like an explosion that had been ignited by the spark of fury that only that voice could do.

“You are no longer welcome in my life. Or my daughters’ lives. We won’t be coming to your house ever again and you cannot ever come here!”

It was so quiet.

“You are ridiculous.”

And before I knew it, I spoke the words that I replay over and over, knowing deep down that it’s probably what HE remembers as well.

“You are just angry, because you realize that you can’t control me anymore.”

And I quietly, peacefully, slowly hung up the phone. I don’t believe I’ll ever speak to him again.

I’m working on forgiveness.

Someday. Maybe.

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